The National NGO Program on Humanitarian Leadership (NNPHL) aims to provide academic and experiential training for future leaders in the humanitarian sector. This is part of a series featuring stories and thoughts of participants.

“I was in shock, numb, and thinking that I had failed as a leader.”

Nivedita:  In August 2016, during my first humanitarian response, my colleagues and I faced complications during a distribution under my supervision and a rumor spread that the relief material was being distributed to a specific group of people for overhauling their religious practices. I was unable to understand what to do and what not to. Suddenly, the situation turned violent and two groups started fighting over the relief materials. I was in shock, numb, and thinking that I had failed as a leader.

However, I had made my mind prepared for such situation to serve humanity in times of need. Telling myself “I am fit for this job, being a humanitarian worker suits me and my passion.” I could realize mistakes that had happened due to indecisiveness, lack of confidence and skill of gaining community trust before heading towards quick results. But in between, one amazing change happened inside me, a passion working for the people in crisis that has given me a sense of purpose.

“That was when I started to seek opportunities to polish my skills.”

But, a few months later I was exhausted with long working hours, stress, and confusion while leading a large team. I had sleepless nights; like when I was unable to cope with the logistic challenges in remote flood affected areas. Recalling those times, I now realize that there was an emerging need of negotiating and timely coordination with government and other NGOs to provide and support access to the communities that were in desperate need. In a state of frustration, I used to gather my scattered confidence with distress and move on. That was when I started to seek opportunities to polish my skills that could better prepare me as a humanitarian worker and leader.

It was around that time that I read an article about the National NGO Program on Humanitarian Leadership. While analysing the components of the program, I found it fit what I was looking for. Though at that time, I was not sure enough that I will be selected due to lack of confidence, but I could not believe and seemed like a dream when I was told about my final selection. This has been a milestone of my long learning journey.

“What I now understand is that one of the key methods of adult learning is peer learning.”

Being part of this innovative and interactive program, I was provided various learning opportunities. I learned so much, had experiences and faced challenges which gave direction to my new learnings. One part of the program I enjoyed was being able to share experiences with the other participants. What I now understand is that one of the key methods of adult learning is peer learning, which provides very informal learning interaction in the formal settings.